The closer I got to his heart
by IluvTheChipmunks
Summary: Brittany is trying to tell herself to move on from Alvin, and that he isn't worth anything to her anymore. But no matter what she tries to tell herself, she just can't pull herself away from him. This is what happens when you love someone so much, that you are willing to do everything for him. But this is also what happens when that person is the reason for all your tears.


**Hi everyone!**

**Here is an AlvinxBrittany one shot that is lightly based off of the song 'Take a bow' by Rihanna. I think the lyrics to this song fits perfectly into this story. This is more of an angsty/romance story, but to be honest, I love writing romances like this lol. Anyway, I hope you guys will like this story, and please review!**

**Entire one shot is told in Brittany's POV**

* * *

I was running, and running, trying my hardest to avoid anything that reminded me of him. But the farther I ran, the closer I got to his heart.

One step further.

That's what my _mind _told me.

One step back.

That's what my _heart _told me.

I was stuck in the middle of a heart wrenching game of tug of war. My mind, or my heart? Take one more step away from him, or take one more step back towards him? To do the right thing? Or to do the wrong thing? Run away from all the pain, or run back to all the memories and images that remind me of him?

Should I do the thing that seemed right? Or should I do the thing that _IS _right?

To run away from Alvin? Or to return?

Yes, that was my question. To run away from the one soul who tore me apart? Or to return back to him because no matter how bad this anger and dispisement I have towards him, I know that deep inside I will always love him. I will always have a special part in my heart that will always belong to him. And that is what sickens me the most. There is just something about him that I can never ever let go of. I was just somehow so deeply infatuated with him, and that hole in my heart would only be occupied by him.

And _only _him.

But even though. Even that one special hole in your heart can be the reason to why you're emotionally damaged. Even the perfect person can have a different side to him, no matter how hard you try to not believe it.

The closer you get to someone, the more you trust him. The more you trust him, the more vulnerable your heart is. And the more vulnerable your heart is, the easier it is to let people into your life.

And that's when you're easiest to break. That's when your heart, your life and your soul is easiest to break.

But that was mainly my fault. No. It _was _all my fault.

I let him into my life. I let him into my heart. I allowed my feelings to wash over him, I allowed my feelings to belong to him. I allowed my mind to think things, when I really knew that something was going to happen eventually. But I was too stupid to listen. I was too head-over-heels in love with him that I let my feelings get the best of me.

But in the end, I realized that I was right.

If only I had listened to myself. If only I listened to what people told me, then my heart would still be okay.

But because I didn't, here I am, on the ground against my door, crying my heart out.

Crying.

Weeping.

Sobbing.

Because I let him manipulate me into thinking he loves me - into thinking that I love him - I regret everything. Every single 'I love you' that was shared between us. Every single laugh, smile, hug, kiss, touch - those were all lies.

Lies.

I regret every single damn tear I have shed over him. Who am I to cry over someone like him? Who am I to cry over someone who controlled me, lied to me, and left me on the ground while my heart shattered into pieces? He doesn't deserve a damn tear of mine, he doesn't deserve anything.

But whatever I try to tell myself, whatever I try to force myself into, I still can't listen. I still can't stop.

I am still shedding tears over him. I am crying uncontrollably.

And I still love him uncontrollably.

That is one thing that I can't deny, something I can never, ever deny. As much as I hate myself for feeling this way, he will always be the one I care about the most. I love him so much. Too much, in fact. I love him so much, it hurts. Despite how much hell I put myself through, i cannot tell myself to move on.

I won't tell myself to move on.

I still had so much things to deal with. I couldn't let this go. I just couldn't allow myself to let this go as if it was just a simple little thing, because it is anything but that, I can't stop loving him. I won't stop loving him. Even though he's the one and only reason to why I am a permanent emotional wreck, my heart is still latched onto his, as if he loved me.

I still love him. I will always love him, as much as he never loved me.

I brought my knees up to my chest and squeezed my eyes shut, letting my new tears flow down my flushed cheeks. The air around me was thin; like I was underwater, drowning, gasping for air; Begging for some help, for someone to save me...wishing that he cared about me enough to save me.

The wrench in my chest made everything seem so useless - it made me feel so useless. I wanted to run away. I wanted to go somewhere - anywhere - that will take my mind off him. I wanted to run so I could feel like I could smile again without the pain behind it. I just wanted to be free from him, from his captivating ways, the way he puts feelings and words into my head and heart.

But how is that possible? Because everywhere I ran reminded me of him. Everything I see, everything I hear, and everything I think of reminds me of him. His eyes, his smile - every single goddamn thing.

_Alvin Seville_.

That name burned inside of me.

That name was just everywhere for me; it was everything to me.

I hugged my knees as I cried into my palms. I just wanted this feeling to go away. I just wanted to be left alone...

But privacy was nowhere to be found. I suddenly heard banging coming from the front door. It sounded urgent, impatient, forceful...

"Just leave me alone." I whispered to myself in tears, choking for air as I said each word.

But the knocks didn't die. In fact, they were getting louder. I had such little strength. I wasn't able to talk, I wasn't able to move, I didn't even know if I was even able to breathe. I closed my eyes shut, feeling tears roll down my flushed face. I wanted to be anywhere but here, anywhere that made me forget about him.

"Goddamn, Brittany. Open the door."

I gasped as my eyes flew open.

It was his voice.

I don't know what it was about his voice that instantly made me get up off the ground. I backed away from it, not from fright, but from curiosity. What was he doing here, and why?

I shook my head, telling myself to leave it alone, to leave him alone, to get over him.

But that was the hardest thing I have ever told myself - ever.

It was as if my strength and voice instantly came back to me because I took a few, weak strides over to the door, placing my trembling hand on the cold doorknob. My heart pounded within my ears, I could feel every deep beat of my heart. I closed my eyes again. Why wasn't I able to get over him?

"Brittany, please." He said.

Without even realizing it, I swung the door open, revealing the broken state I was in. And there, standing right outside the door, stood Alvin, drenched in the freezing, pouring rain. My heart broke. It broke into a million more pieces once I saw him again. We said nothing for a long time, but on the inside, I was screaming and crying, doing everything I can to force myself to slam the door in his face - but no, I couldn't.

"Brittany..." He said.

I shook my head. "No." I whispered, and that was all I could say. I didn't want to hear whatever he had to say.

"Look, I'm sorry for what I did." He started.

I just stood here, frozen.

"It wasn't what it looked like. I didn't mean to cheat on you, I-I swear." He said.

I scoffed and shook my head. _Complete bullshit._

"Talk to me, please." He whispered.

"The truth." I said. "I want nothing but the truth."

I looked into Alvin's eyes and saw the reluctance. He was still standing outside in the rain, but there is no way I would let him step inside my house. He sighed as he looked away. I knew there were some things he didn't want to tell me - things I didn't need to know - but I was only asking for one thing. I just needed the simple truth.

"It was a Friday night, and I guess I got...bored." He admitted. "I-I guess I couldn't help myself."

_That fucking man whore. _

I knew he was candy coating it; I knew that there were more things beyond the truth that he would never reveal.

"Brittany, I'm so sorry." He said.

"Don't tell me you're sorry, because we both know you're not. You're only apologizing because you got caught." I whispered.

"I really am sorry." He said.

I shook my head, reminding myself that this isn't the first time he's cheated on me.

I took three steps towards him, exposing myself to the rain and looked at him in the eyes. "No."

"Look. I know I messed up, but-"

"But nothing." I said.

Alvin closed his mouth as he stared at me. "I swear, I won't ever hurt you again."

I shook my head. I've heard that too many times before.

"If you really loved me, then you would have never hurt me in the first place." I whispered. The rain drops have soaked me to the bone.

I don't know what to do anymore. He's hurt me so many times in the past. I've cried so many times in the past because of him. He's been promising me that he will never hurt me again, but that promise always dies. He's cheated on me behind my back so many times, and I've broken up with him so many times. But he manages to make me fall in love with him all over again.

But I can't let that happen anymore. My heart will not get broken anymore.

The first time he cheated on me, I let it go, because he said it was an '_accident_' and that '_he didn't mean it at all_.'

I believed him.

He cheated on me for the second time, one month later with a different girl. I cried, and I told him we were through. Then we didn't speak for over 2 weeks. He had been trying to contact me through my phone, but I ignored him. It was my mistake for getting back together with him after a week after that.

The third time he cheated on me was with my best friend. I was stupid enough to forgive them both.

He cheated on me for the fourth time. He told me he got drunk and didn't realize what he was doing. I was stupid enough to believe him again.

He cheated on me for the fifth time, just a few days after. It was suppose to be our third year anniversary. _Fuck that_.

Today was the sixth time I caught him. And this time, I was not about to let him put words in my head; I was not going to allow myself to believe him this time.

Alvin has cheated on me so many times, and I've only caught him six times. But who knows how many other times he has done it? For all I know, Alvin might have cheated on me hundreds of times. I had enough. I truly had enough.

"I love you." He said.

I looked at him, suddenly feeling a whirlwind of emotions dawn over me. I haven't heard him say that to me in ages. Hearing him say that for the first time in a long time felt like a sudden collision to the heart, knowing that I felt the same way. Despite how wrong it sounded to love someone like Alvin, deep in my heart, I knew it was right.

"I swear to God, Britt, I will never hurt you again." He whispered.

I shook my head. "You've said that so many times before though." I whispered back, feeling myself weaken at his words.

He closed his eyes. "I know. I know. But this time, I promise you Brittany. I don't want to lose you again."

_Don't listen to him, don't listen to him._

"Why should I believe you?" I whispered.

"Because I came all the way over here to tell you the truth. Because I literally hate myself for hurting you. And because I hate myself for doing all the careless shit I've done that has hurt you." He said.

I shook my head in disgust.

"Listen to me, please. I know I've made some mistakes in the past that I can never undo, but this time, I'll prove everything I've done wrong. I'll show you how much you mean to me." He said to me.

_But he's going to cheat on me again, I just know it._

"I fell in love with you for a reason." I whispered, not daring to look at him. "But I didn't fall in love with you to get hurt."

Alvin said nothing for the longest time. "Give me a month, Brittany, and I'll show you that I can change."

Again, I've heard that excuse before.

"Alvin, I...I don't know." I said, feeling the ice cold raindrops soak right through my sweater.

"I will never cheat on you ever again." He said. "I swear."

I knew I shouldn't listen to him, but there was just something about the way he said it that made me believe him. He sounded so sincere, so pitiful, that it just made me want to forgive him right away. I looked at him, not knowing if my face was wet with tears, or if it was from the rain.

"Do you promise?" I choked out.

"Yes." He answered.

_Don't listen to him, Brittany. This is Alvin you're dealing with, and you know what's going to happen sooner or later._

But this time, there was just something inside of me that forced me to believe him. Though I've learned from my mistakes from the past, there was something about today that made everything different, that made everything so real, so heartfelt and honest.

"I..." I closed my eyes.

I knew I had to listen to what my heart is telling me.

I opened my eyes, feeling tears roll down my lifeless cheeks.

"I'll think it over." I whispered. My heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach.

"What?" He asked softly.

I looked away. I allowed a full minute to pass. "I still love you, Alvin..." I whispered. "But...but I need time to think this over."

Silence.

I looked back at him. "Because you've hurt me so many times. I need time for myself and decide what's best for not only myself, but for the both of us."

Alvin looked at me, equally as dead and pained as I was. But after a while, he nodded his head. "If it's for the best." He said quietly.

I nodded and gulped, trying to hold back tears. "Give me time." I whispered.

He nodded as he looked at the ground. He sighed deeply. "I love you." He whispered.

I felt my chest collapse as I let silent tears escape my lips. "I love you too."

_I love you so damn much._

Nothing else was said between us before Alvin turned on his heel to walk away.

It killed me to see him walk away.

He didn't even make eye contact with me.

But then he stopped walking. He turned back to me, suddenly looking at me with weak eyes.

"Brittany?" He called quietly.

I didn't respond. I just looked at him.

Alvin slowly walked back to me, until we were standing face to face again. He looked at me in the eyes and said, "Will you also take the time and think about this?"

He reached into his pocket to pull something out, but he gently placed it in my palm before I could even look at it. He cupped both of his hands around the hand that was holding that object and looked at me.

"Alvin, what-"

"Don't open it until I'm gone." He whispered.

And without even giving me a chance to answer, he turned around and walked away.

I felt like the air in my chest had just been knocked out of me. I love him so much, it's unreal.

But then Alvin's words twisted in my head. _'__Will you also take the time and think about this?'_

What did he mean?

I slowly opened my palm; the one that was holding the object.

Once I saw what I was holding, I broke down into tears.

It was a diamond ring with a small tag that read, '_Will you marry me?_'

* * *

**Well, I was planning to make this a one shot, but should I make a sequel?**

**You guys tell me if you want me to make a sequel :)**

**Anyway, I really hope you guys liked this oneshot! Please, please review! :D**


End file.
